As told by Lucian
The first rule of Faery club is Never Make a Deal with a %@*^# Faery!
Even when you think you have the upperhand, and especially when you don’t.
After finally getting the Tlatoani monkey off our back, or Mustangand Bastion in what i can only hope was a fit of insanity, Anita agreed to an open ended contract with this Dian Cecht character from the Never Never.
Now in exchange for his Dr. McCoy act on Bastion , we’re stuck playing Daniel Boone to some forsaken wastelend in the Never Never on the other side of the world. On top of that, someone get’s to babysit his pet; Simon Harverd
To be fair, only Anita agreed to the terms. The rest of us could have just skipped town for a few days and checked back in when the dust settled. Could have, and probably should have. But Anita is my current meal ticket, so it’s in my best interest to see that she keeps breathing.
First we have to get there!
I’ve never been on a plane. Yet, somehow the idea of flying miles above the earth in a metal canisters was infinetly more appealing than a jaunt through the otherside, no matter how much time it would save. Even the thought of having to deal with international police (shudder) and customs couldn’t disuade me from that course of action. Till someone pointed out that planes are typically filled with all sorts of sensitive electronics. So unless we were flying with the Wright brothers, that option was firmly off the table.
So with our course of action, the group spent the rest of the first day prepping. I got a duffel filled with magical what-not to assist with various tasks. Bastion packed up on camping gear. Mustang brought Twinkies and beer to the table. Anita brought some diamonds. Regardless of the local currency, one of these have got to trade well.
Anita led us to the closest major gateway into the Never, a shipping dock at the airport. Everything was going great till Simon decided to dance with one of the dock workers. Then Anita stepped out to “help”. When the guy left to get his manager, we ran into the freezer and made good our escape.
Not deterred by the wintery conditions, we located a bridge across the ocean. According to Anita, it should lead in the right direction. The trip was rather uneventful, even boring. That is until we came across the conveniently damaged section of the bridge.
Afer some deliberation, Mustang decided to play spiderman and rope across the bridge. Probably would have made it too if he didn’t get interuppted by a gorgeous specimen of the fairer sex. A Nixie to be specific, Anita informed us later. Women of intoxicating beauty who’s sole purpose in life is to drown people.
With Mustang in her cross hairs and under some sort of whammy, 2 more nixies appeared from the water. The rest of us sprang into action in a rush of spell slinging, flashing fangs and swinging swords. We finally managed to get the upper hand when Bastion trapped one of them on the bridge. Under threat for her life, their leader finally sought parley. In exchange for safe passage, we magnanimously allowed them to live.
The rest of the first leg of our journey was unimpeded. We located a set of stairs that led us to a forest where we were faced with the choices of entering Winter territory or taking our chances in the deep, dark spidery forest. With Mustang and I leading the way, we skipped through the freehold relatively unscathed. Though Simon did assist at one point in clearing away some webs.
Arriving at a massive tree, Anita annouced that we had come as close as we could directly through the Never Never. The next part would have to be over land in the regular world.
Which would have been great, if the crossing point she indicated didnt happen to open out under some lake in the middle of I’m-lost-istan. Despite Simon’s best attempt at a “drowned rat” impression, we all managed to survive.
After drying out and warming up, we made our next mistake…
Deciding that we could use a local tour guide and translator we couldn’t exactly just call up the US embassy for assistance), we settled on bribing a local creature from the Never Never with twinkies….and beer. Enter the Micky. A gnome with a penchance for junk food and alcohol.
After some haggling, he agreed to take us to where “no one goes” or at least as close as reasonably possible. After securing us some transportation, which only cost a couple squirrels. Set out for the next portal area.
Which also happened to be the current resident of some outsider fearing, nomadic locals. I’m sure it must have been quite a sight for the village – a car full of “scientists” to show up with a disembodied voice (Mickey) translating, rather poorly and loudly, everything being said.
Managing to avoid being shot, the locals were finally convinced that we meant them no immediate harm. Inviting us in, we found them to be a cursed people. They’ve lost most of their connection the spirit world due the the events known by the world at large as the Tunguska explosion. Events cause by anther visiting outsider by the name of Kemmler.
The local shaman agreed to be our guide as we sought to reverse the damage and locate that stupid plant.